You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
