Sacagawea was the original milf.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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