I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
