the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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