Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
