On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Randomize
