she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
