I understand Curling. That high.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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