I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Randomize
