I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize