mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
