I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
