I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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