my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
