When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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