I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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