You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
