If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
