You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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