I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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