How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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