My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize