There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
