the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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