Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
i drank out of a bidet.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
