What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
My ATM looks so different sober.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
