mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
