And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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