im holly from the hills drunk
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
