Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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