Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
