I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
