ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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