I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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