After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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