Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I want to be your penis for a week.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
