this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
