i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
