I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
