it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
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woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Just high enough for therapy.
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The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
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