I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
True strength comes from lack of pants
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
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