He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
