Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
