i would punch a child for taco bell
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
