I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
