So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
