i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
