My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
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He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
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I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
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