I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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