When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
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