forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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