I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
