Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
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