you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
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