just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Randomize
