On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
