I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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