This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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