I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
