It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
if i died would you start the facebook group?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
