hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
