I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
how does that bad decision feel?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
