Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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