Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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